It is that time of year again. The NCAA Tournament is here. The next two Thursday's and Friday's are “half days”. You know what I am talking about. If you are reading this, then you are the type of person that gets a “flat tire” at lunch this Thursday. “Yeah boss, I'm sorry but I got a flat tire at McDonald's during lunch. The tow truck guy said he can't be here until 5.” Then, on Friday you are purposely going to eat at Benihana's. Why, because Friday you are going to have some “bad sushi” and can't possibly sit at work. If you hadn't thought of that yourself, you are in luck. OOS will supply you with all the excuses you need for the next three weeks. Simply print this page, cut out all the excuses and throw them in your desk drawer. When you have to leave work to catch the Providence vs. Pacific game, all you have to do is randomly draw an excuse and use it with your boss.

• I am protesting ESPN's Dream Job, Booyah
• Searching for Weapons of Mass Destruction
• The IRS is auditing me for not claiming last year's bracket winnings
• I am having a colonoscopy, nobody can argue with that
• The NCAA says so, read between the lines. No Calls All Afternoon (NCAA)
• I have a very important meeting with a man about a horse
• The dog ate my car keys
• The “weird guy” in the office ate my car keys
• Green Beer is priced to move on March 18 th and 19 th
• I have to write my legal brief for Martha Stewart's appeal
• I still can't find Waldo
• I have a package being delivered from BALCO
• I want to witness the first baseball story on ESPN that doesn't include A-Rod
• I want to be first in line for tickets to “Jersey Girl”
• My Ebay auction for the Jerry Mathers autographed collector plate set ends
• I gave up working on Fridays during Lent
• A green Christmas elf named “Jimmy” told me not to go to work
• I am trying to figure out why The Sopranos got so bad after season three
• I chipped a tooth eating French Fries and must go to the dentist
• I thought I was taking aspirin but it was really viagra

Bracket Advice
Now I am going to give you my picks for the first round. Grab your brackets and play along at home.

St. Louis Region East Rutherford
Winners- Winners-
#1 Kentucky #1 St. Joe's
#8 Washington #9 Charlotte
#12 Pacific #5 Florida
#4 Kansas #4 Wake Forest
#11 Utah #6 Wisconsin
#3 Georgia Tech #3 Pittsburgh
#7 Michigan State #7 Memphis
#2 Gonzaga #2 Oklahoma State

Atlanta Region Phoenix Region
Winners- Winners-
#1 Duke #1 Stanford
#9 Arizona #8 Alabama
#5 Illinois #5 Syracuse
#4 Cincinnati #4 Maryland
#6 North Carolina #11 Western Michigan
#3 Texas #3 NC State
#10 Louisville #7 Depaul
#2 Mississippi State #2 Connecticut

Those are my first round picks. Here is my final four:

Washington- This is a very good basketball team. They are my sleeper team to make it to the Final Four. The Huskies beat Stanford during the regular season and lost to them in the Conference finals. In order to make it, they will have to beat UAB, Kentucky and Kansas. This pick is going out on a limb. Somebody has to win.

Oklahoma State- Oklahoma State gets the best draw of any #2 seed. Their toughest test will be against Wisconsin in the Sweet Sixteen. They will easily handle Memphis in the second round and beat Wake Forest to make the Final Four.

Duke- Duke will have a very hard road to the Final Four. Standing in their path is Arizona, Cincinnati and Mississippi State. This region should provide fans with the best games of the tournament. The second round should showcase 4 great games: Duke-Arizona, Illinois-Cincinnati, North Carolina-Texas and Mississippi State-Louisville.

Stanford- The Cardinal will also have a tough road. They will have to beat Alabama, Maryland and Connecticut. Second round games in this region could include Syracuse-Maryland and Depaul-Uconn.

Quick Hitzzz… Wisconsin beat Illinois in the Big Ten Championship. Then the NCAA selection committee rewarded the Illini with a #5 seed and punished the Badgers with a #6 seed. What were they thinking? Illinois lost to Wisconsin without ever having a lead in the game. The Badgers should be able to make it to the Sweet 16 thanks to a little home court advantage in Milwaukee. If the Badgers beat Richmond, they should get Pittsburgh in the second round. They have the talent to beat Pitt, but need Big Ten Player of the Year Devin Harris to have a big tournament.

I would like to start off this week's column by apologizing. If you visited OOS to read the NCAA Tournament Preview article, you are out of luck. My research staff has advised me that the brackets will be unveiled this Sunday. So next week's column will focus on college basketball, Cinderella schools and “March Madness”. Come back Monday night to see the preview. If you are here because you are bored at work or I actually amuse you, please continue onward.

Matt Kenseth Wins in Vegas, Baby!
Matt Kenseth continues to throw a wrench into Nascar's plans to “hold” a good man down. The #17 car won the UAW-Daimler Chrysler 400 Sunday in Las Vegas to take over the points title. Kenseth led the field with 123 laps led out of the 267 total. The victory gave the Dewalt team their second victory in three races this season.

Last season, Kenseth took over the points lead after the fourth race and never looked back, winning the Nascar Winston Cup Title while finishing first only once. This season, Kenseth and his Dewalt team are attempting to become the first “repeat champion after a rule change specifically designed to stop them from repeating”. I would like to give Matt a nickname for his repeated mentions here at OOS, but I cant think of anything that rhymes with Cambridge. Email your suggestions to OOS.

Here is an actual quote from a Kenseth fan Sunday, “The #17 Dewalt-Ford-Smirnoff Ice-True Value-3M-Gatorade-Goodyear-Citgo-Raybestos-Gillette-Post Honey Bunches of Oats car ran real well today. The key to the victory was tires and oil (pronounced oool).”

Editor's Note-Quote may have been embellished.

Georgia Releases Jim Harrick Jr.'s Test
Last week, the University of Georgia released a test given by former assistant basketball coach Jim Harrick Jr. in his 2001 Coaching Principles and Strategies of Basketball class. I have to give Mr. Harrick Jr. credit, he was just trying to help his players get better grades. Questions included “How many points is a three-point basket worth?” and “How many halves are in a college basketball game?” Everyone that took the class got an A. That got me to thinking, what if Harrick Jr. taught other courses?

Math
You have two coins that total $0.50, neither of the coins are pennies, nickels, dimes, half dollars or full dollars. Both coins are quarters. What two coins do you have?

Geography
Where are you right now?

Answers can include but are not limited to: earth, here, class, Georgia, in a building, on probation, my happy place, nowhere, anywhere and America.

Physics
What is heavier: a ton of bricks or a ton of feathers? Show your math.

Word Problem
A train leaves San Francisco going 150 mph at 7 pm. A second train leaves New York City going 200 mph at 9pm. The train leaving San Francisco is pulling 16 passenger cars. The train leaving New York is pulling 34 cars loaded with high-end stereo equipment. The stereo equipment must be delivered to a Houston-area Radioshack by 6 pm the following day and the passengers from San Francisco are due to arrive in Chicago at 6 pm. When robbing the Houston-area Radioshack, should you wear a ski mask?

Question of the Week
This week's question comes from Brad “Squirrel” S. in Milwaukee.

“Should it be possible for Duke to be a #1 seed in the NCAA Tournament after losing to Georgia Tech?”

Brad, do you have something against Duke? Duke is 25-4 this season, including 13-3 in ACC play. The best word to describe this year's NCAA basketball season is parity. Like the NFL, anyone can win on any night this year. Six teams could go to the big dance this season from both the ACC and Conference USA.

Lets analyze the teams. There are two locks for #1 seeds St. Joseph's and Stanford. Then the other two #1's are up for grabs between Duke(25-4), Mississippi State(25-2) and Gonzaga(25-2). Gonzaga has only played three ranked teams and lost two of them, coincidentally to St. Joseph's and Stanford. The only ranked team they beat was Missouri, who will not make the NCAA tourney but were #4 when they fell to the Zags. Mississippi State has lost to Kentucky and Alabama. State beat Florida, South Carolina and Alabama twice. Duke lost to Perdue, NC State, Wake Forest and Georgia Tech. But Duke has beaten North Carolina twice, Maryland twice, Texas and Michigan State. So now lets compare the three teams RPI (Ratings Percentage Index), Duke #1, Miss State #3 and Gonzaga #11.

Based upon those numbers and their schedules so far, I would have to go with Duke and Mississippi State as the other two #1 seeds this year. Let the Madness begin!

Quick Hitzzz… OJ Simpson has been accused of stealing satellite tv. Has he been searching for the “real” killers on QVC?… Terrell Owens will not become a free agent because his “agent” didn't file the paperwork with the NFL in time. Owen's agent has only ONE client. What else could he possibly be thinking about? “Keep Terrell happy, Keep Terrell happy, Keep Terrell happy, Keep Terrell happy, Did I file that paper work with the NFL?”…Steroids are all the rage in Baseball. Barry Bonds, Gary Sheffield and Jason Giambi have all been accused of receiving steroids. Can anyone say “All-Star Wet T-shirt contest?” Maybe teams will start issuing “manssiere's” with the cups in spring training..