Randy Jackson has become his own caricature. During the first season of American Idol, Randy was the nice guy, Paula was the sweet girl, and Simon was the ostentatious ass. The second season laid dismay upon poor Randy's undistinguished heart, so he began his morph into the “aw yeah, yeeeayah dawg” monster of today. Yes, having a unique delivery is key one to marketing yourself, but in this case Randy just looks like a wannabe gangsta rapper. I'll give you a little dialogue. You can use this to accurately predict what the first comments will be out of Randy's mouth after a performance. After Bad Singer: “Alright, alright, look musically I wasn't feelin' ya dawg, your gonna haveta come back harder next time.” After Good Singer: “Yeaaaaaah… Yeaaaaaayyaaaaaaah…. yo, yo, yo… yo, yo, yo… that's what I'm talking about… (over Paula's comment) Yeaaaaayaaah.” Complete incoherrent garbage. American Idol could save themselves a million bucks by hiring a real, live dog to sit in Randy's chair. Good Singer: “Arff, Arfff, Arff… Arff, Arff, Arff.” Bad Singer: “Aoooouuuuuuuuuuuuu…..” See, no distinguishable difference between Randy and the schnauzer. Hey Randy… I'm not feelin' ya dawg. Paula on the other hand…

Another Road Trip Welcome back everyone! I am going to start this week with a riddle: What do you get when you combine the following items?

• 1 1994 Toyota Corolla
• 2 guys with nothing to do for their vacation
• $212.05 in gas money
• 55 hours in said Corolla
• 18 innings of baseball
• 45 holes of golf
• 12 liters of Mountain Dew
• lots of coffee
• Almost 3,700 miles across 7 states

Any guesses?

You get the first ever OOS “Drive to Spring Training”. In an effort to stir up juice for Fuzzmartin.com I took a road trip to Arizona. My friend Dan and I set out in order to see the country and get a preview of the upcoming Brewer's season.

Monday- Brewers vs. Diamondbacks
What a great game. Here are the highlights for the first eight and a half innings. One Brewer hit, Wayne Franklin got rocked by everybody in a D'backs uniform and I caught a foul ball. Actually, I dropped it and then picked it up. But, in the ninth inning the Brewers actually made it interesting. They scored six runs in the ninth to tie it, thanks to hits by Junior Spivey, Trent Durrington, Matt Erickson and Lyle Overbay. In the tenth inning the D'backs actually failed to score. It isn't so easy when Wayne Franklin isn't pitching. Then, much to my surprise, and both other fans still there, Lyle Overbay hits a walk-off home run in the bottom of the 10 th to win the game. My first Spring Training game and I only had to wait three hours in 98-degree heat to see something exciting. I can't wait until Wednesday's game against the Cubs.

Wednesday- Brewers vs. Cubs
As we get to Maryvale Ballpark this day, I am really excited. I get to yell at the Cubs about Bartmann, cork and stupid goat curses. Then they announce the starting lineups. Kerry Wood is pitching against Ben Sheets. It can't get any better than this. Here are the highlights for the first eight innings. One Brewer hit and Sammy Sosa dropped a fly ball. After eight innings it was Cubs 8 and Brewers 0. I would love to give you the highlights for the ninth inning but we left early. The biggest cheer in the first eight innings came for the PA announcer when he said, “The game time temperature is 98 degrees here in Phoenix and 39 degrees in Milwaukee.” ESPN told me that the game ended Cubs 12 and Brewers 4. There you have it, 17 innings and two Brewer hits. At least I got that foul ball.

Predictions for the 2004 Season
The Brewers will win 78 games in the toughest division in baseball, outside of the AL East. Pitching, hitting and defense are the only things stopping the Brewers from going to the World Series. By my calculations, if the Brewers wanted to field a winning team all they would have to do is increase payroll by $120 million. They would still be $30 million short of the Yankees but they could make up for that with heart and hustle.

The Yankees will not make the World Series. If the Yankees don't win the World Series this year, watch for George Steinbrenner's head to explode. If he were smart he would just sign all the free agents available and send them to the minor leagues. Hey George, the Brewers are for sale. You interested? They would cost less than your current year's payroll.

Neither the Red Sox nor the Cubs will win the World Series. They can't, they are cursed.

The home run champion will hit 40 homers this season. Life without steroids is cruel. Just ask Barry, Sammy and Jason. There was only one 50-homerun season in thirty years before Cecil Fielder hit 51 in 1990. Now every season somebody hits at least that many. Thanks BALCO. Expansion didn't ruin baseball, steroids did. Remember back in the 1980's when a guy was considered a power hitter if he could get 25 dingers a season?

Who will win it all? Oakland will beat the Houston Astros in seven games. Before you run to your bookie, remember, this is the same guy who picked Washington to make it to the Final Four.

Quick Hitzzz…Rumors circulated the NFL that the Packers spoke to Tim Couch's agent. But Couch quickly commented that he didn't want to go to Green Bay because he wanted to be a starter. For all of Green Bay and Wisconsin, thanks Tim….Jamal Lewis's lawyer's called the evidence in the government's drug conspiracy case “weak”. Ray Lewis and O.J. Simpson were not available for comment….UCONN won the Men's Hoops Title yesterday. The UCONN Women could win then title tonight, becoming the first school to win both men's and women's titles in the same year. Just one more thing I don't care about….George Bamberger , former manager for the Brewers and Mets, died Sunday. He was a legend in Milwaukee for turning the Brewers into winners in the late 70's and early 80's. Hopefully the Brewers organization will do something right and retire his number. He deserved it.

Question of the Week

Nick A. of Spencer, WI writes: “What about the Clinton Portis trade?”

Great Question. I want to answer that with a question. What in the world is Denver thinking? Champ Bailey is a great player but Clinton Portis is a franchise caliber running back. You just don't trade a player like Portis. He is one of only four running backs to have 3,000 yards in his first two seasons. This could go down in history like Boston trading Babe Ruth. I hope that in 80 years Bronco's fans are saying that they need to break the “Curse of Portis”. If I were a Bronco fan, which I am not, I would feel cheated.

An adaptation of Shel Silverstein's “The Giving Tree”

There once was a young boy named Bud who lived near a generous tree. When Bud's friends wanted to play, the tree made a great jungle gym… when the summer days were hot, the tree gave Bud and his friends shade… when the kids were hungry, the tree's apples kept them nourished. Bud loved the tree and the tree felt much love for the boy as well.

As Bud grew his uses for the tree changed. When his siblings wanted new
baseball bats, the tree offered its branches. When he needed money, the
tree suggested he sell its apples to his friends. When Bud needed more
money, the tree recommended that Bud raise the price of apples to $5.75 a
piece. Bud loved that old tree, and the tree loved him.

Days came when Bud's friends stopped coming around, Bud asked the tree for help. The tree first suggested placing cork in his sibling's bats for more
excitement. That worked for a bit, but Bud's friends had A.D.D., and it was
hard to keep their attention. The tree loved Bud, and told him to build a
new stadium out of its trunk. Bud's friends thought it was really cool, but
there were other, more exciting things to do, plus the cost of apples was
now so high that his friends couldn't afford to bring their children and
business associates by anymore.

Bud was saddened, so he went back to ask the tree for help… but when he
returned he realized there was nothing left but a stump. His friends were
gone and he had exploited the tree until it was no longer a tree, but a
rotten old remnant of the fun they used to have. If only Bud had taken
seeds from the tree and planted a forest. If only he had kept the price of
apples low so that his friends could show their children how fun Bud was.
But it didn't happen, and eventually Bud and his siblings were forgotten.

Poor Bud, had he looked to the future, his friends would still be around
having fun, and that generous tree would be standing taller than ever. The
End.

This article was originally posted by Fuzz on YankeesSuck.com

You've heard me discuss my crazy trip to Bristol, now check out pictures! Take careful note of my trip up the mountain - and more importantly the way back down. That was the best $30 I've ever made in my life - and it only took me 2 minutes (if you include the barrel roll to the finish.) Bristol NASCAR Pictures

What is a completely partisan 9/11 panel supposed to prove? The government screwed up about every angle of security possible before the attacks. From the Democrats who had experience with Taliban attacks before Bush's reign, to the memos that came out during Bush's presidency, to the FBI, the CIA, and even the flight school in Florida that wasn't suspicious of middle-eastern men who only wanted to know how to steer the planes, not take off or land with them – America dropped every possible ball leading up to that dreadful day. We had this “we're American's and no country would ever dare attack us on our own soil, again” attitude up until then – and we were right – no country did have the balls to attack us. It was a kind of attack we citizens thought only happened in Israel and Palestine . So technically we should put the blame on all of our shoulders and get through this together. The thing that really irks me now is that the 9/11 investigation panel is trying to figure out the ‘one' problem behind the 9/11 attacks. In reality they are creating political terrorism – as they are trying to destroy one party for their own good. If this was a viable panel, shouldn't it have taken place directly after 9/11, not DIRECTLY BEFORE A PRESIDENTIAL RACE? Everyone in America screwed up before 9/11 – now let us never forget what happened – let's get it right, and let's never let it happen again.

Milwaukee, WI
It was a sad day in the world of Major League Baseball yesterday as commissioner
Bud Selig announced the sale of the Milwaukee Brewers to pinstriper Alex
Rodriguez. The Brewers, who had been on the MLB selling block for 4 months,
said they were “pleased with the league's decision” to allow the sale, stating
that “the Yankees own all of the worthy players in the league” and “there is no
feasible way of being competitve without the monetary backing of a wealthy
owner.” For the record A-Rod's contract pulls in nearly as much as the
Brewers' total payroll each year.

As for his plans with the team, Rodriguez says, “Wendy Selig was 100% correct -
the Yankees DO own all of baseball's top players. Milwaukee doesn't need a
baseball team, what they need is parking - that's why I've teamed up with the
Miller Brewing Company to announce “Miller Parking,” the world's first
retractable roof parking facility.”

The fifteen remaining season ticket holders at Miller Park will not receive
refunds, but will have 'first dibbs' on the prime parking spots.

This article was originally posted by Fuzz on YankeesSuck.com

Yes, I just said what all of you were thinking but too blinded by the media to say it. Blame Clinton. That feels good. Blame Clinton for the 9/11 attacks. Blame Clinton for the War in Iraq. Blame Clinton for the once failing economy. Why Clinton? It's simple. October 12th, 2000 the U.S. Navy's USS Cole was attacked by Al Qaida of the coast of Yemen. This unprovoked attack killed 17 of our soldiers, and Osama bin Laden's Taliban crew claimed responsiblitiy. What did then President Clinton do? Nothing. Let's back up a bit to February 26th, 1993. While the President was busy deciding which cigar Monica liked best, an Al Qaida member let off a fertilizer bomb under the World Trade Center. The U.S. response? Nothing. I even remember reports (and I was only 15) of Osama saying that he wanted to “knock the twin towers down.” Hmmm. I don't think you need a 9/11 panel of judges to figure that one out - Clinton should have taken out that AK-47 toting freak before things got worse. We all know the rest of the story - they did get worse, Osama did succeed in knocking the towers down, and thousands of people lost their lives. If only President Clinton had shown he had the cahones to stand up and fight back, this never would have happened. So blame Clinton. You lost your job? Blame Clinton. You lost a loved one to terrorism? Blame Clinton and the democrats, because there the ones who could have ended it as soon as it started, BUT DIDN'T. If you don't believe me, check out this great article from worldnetdaily.com.

I don't often get political, but since I am a weak souled radio entertainer, I figured I'd get on the bandwagon. The spin machine which is John Kerry is the poison which is corrupting America to its core. Lies, damn lies. Everyday I see John Kerry ads with real live ACTORS posing as unemployed factory workers. Even as the studies come out, buried in the mainstream media and newspaper articles that detail the recent growth of the economy, John Kerry still feeds us these lies that America is declining. Yes, John, there was a recession - but you must not have seen that the Dow is back over 10,000. Oh, and P.S. when people are asked about their friends, family members and neighbors that are unemployed - most people shrug their shoulders - BECAUSE THEY DON'T KNOW ANYONE!!! Yes, we all have a drunk uncle that would rather feed off his checks from the government than get a job, but he's unemployed because he doesn't have to work when he's LIVING OFF OF PROGRAMS SET UP BY DEMOCRATS! Here are some statistics from http://data.bls.gov, yes, the U.S. Department of Labor Bureau of Labor Statistics - you might want to get acquainted with them, John. When President Clinton was in office in 1994 the unemployment rate for those 16 years of age and older was 7.3%. Now the unemployment rate, under George W. Bush, is 5.7%. If I weren't just a white kid from the country with a high school diploma and a few semesters of college under my belt, I'd say that there are LESS UNEMPLOYED NOW than there were under PRESIDENT CLINTON! I know you went to Yale and Boston College, but you would think that simple math would be a prereq for that law degree of yours. Hey, speaking of simple math, you say you're going to give us, the middle class, more money, huh? Then why do you 1) oppose George Bush's tax cuts, then 2) say you're going to give middle class families more money? It doesn't make any sense John! You know, I have read a lot of articles describing the new democratic campaigning technique as 'whining,' and they're absolutely right! When you have nothing to go on, whine about your enemy and hopefully those who are equally as ignorant as you will follow like rats. That's all I've got - I'd better go ration some gasoline just in case Kerry does get elected and imposes his 50-CENTS PER GALLON GAS TAX! Good Night.

I am a big fan of comedy, comedians and basically anything that can make me laugh. Jon Stewart of The Daily Show - and such big-screen classics as “The Office Party” and “Death to Smoochy” - no longer fits into any of the afore-mentioned categories. The guy might as well be Bill Maher's taller siamese twin. He has gone away from his funny delivery and witty commentary to become a terrible rendition of every other lefty hollywood talker. I wouldn't just come out and rip on Jon Stewart, but there was a time in my life that I actually thought he was funny and worth watching. Now it's the same old crap - every single night - literally!!! On “The Daily Show,” Jon steps away from real comedy to do the usual George W. is stupid jokes. Hey ass, they've been done already! I am beginning to think that Jon Stewart, Jay Leno, Bill Maher, Saturday Night Live, The Late, Late Show with Craig Kilborn and 60 Minutes all have the same writers. You know all of those jokes about missing WMD's and shiites may sound good in your head - but there are thousands of our men and women who are over there dying to protect the citizens of Iraq and protect our freedoms at home. You might not agree with it, that's your right, but show some frickin' respect and maybe just maybe COME UP WITH SOMETHING ORIGINAL! Or maybe, go hang out with Sadam Hussein. What the hell, right! You have so many things in common - your lack of respect for American soldiers, the U.S. Government, freedom in general. You're a comedian: BE FUNNY.

This is going to be short. Jim Rome: Out - cool. Ryan Seacrest: Out - STOLEN. Ryan, get your own fricking slogan. Jim Rome has been using that since you were wearing Mickey Mouse ears and wetting the bed - oh, and don't think we don't know about the whole bedwetting thing. Fuzz: out - stolen in jest