Yeah, yeah, yeah, my wife is giving me enough grief about this. Glenn Grothman is one of the guys who was opposed to the whole “The Hat Stays” billboard campaign, but after a while I've come to like the guy. Sure, he didn't like a naked fat guy (me) standing on six billboards in the middle of his hometown… I didn't say he had, um, class… but you've got to admire a guy who has the cahones to go against his own party to stand up for what he believes is right (TABOR, not my billboards). As a homeowner and a taxpayer in the 20th, I want a politician who is going to vow to protect me from unwanted tax burdens. I want a guy who is going to stand up to people who let big money groups influence the way they vote. I want someone who isn't for the murder of innocent unborn children. I want a Senator who will say, “alright you Teachers' Aide dweebs, you're not going to get a raise, you're going to pay for more of your insurance, and if you don't like it, we'll find someone else who will take the free education you freeloading pieces of garbage.” My blood is hot now - Vote Grothman for Senate September 14th.

By virtue of a unanimous vote, the loveable cartoon-like commissioner who is Allan H. “Bud” Selig was recently given a 3-year contract extension by the owners. ESPN reports that they would have offered him “a 10 year contract had he wished.” This means that Bud will remain the commish, barring any unforseeable foot-long and Diet Coke accidents, through 2009.

Isn't that frickin' wonderful.

The very mention of Bud Selig's name makes my blood boil and my pockets burn. In 1994, Selig promised to fund a “competitive team” if we forked over the cash for a new stadium. Miller Park, the fruit of the .10% that I pay on everything purchase I make in Wisconsin, is now home to a modern day Bad News Bears… the Bad News Brewers, if you will.

If the Brewers were spending what a Major League team should spend to be competitive, I would be upset, but not angry. (ask my wife what that means) Unfortunatley the Seligs have cut the team's total salary from a measly $40M to an insulting $27M. Manny Ramirez of the Red Sox will make $22.5M this year - just $5M less than the entire Brewers franchise. It is a great big kick in the groin to know that 1) you are paying as much money in taxes for a crappy baseball team as you are for the entire Milwaukee Park and Recreation system, 2) those entrusted with that money and that from Bud's revenue sharing plan are not using the money for the betterment of the team, 3) the Players' Association and owners of the big dollar teams will never allow a competitive solution, such as a salary cap, to take place - forever ensuring that I am paying for a stadium built for losers, and 4) there are PLAYERS in this league that are making, literally, near as much as my hometown's entire team.

What makes Bud believe that building a new stadium in every failing baseball city will guarantee its survival? I guess it will look good in his memoirs. Besides, no one has turned him down yet. In Milwaukee he threatened that not building a new stadium would “be the end to baseball in Milwaukee.” “The end to baseball in Milwaukee,” let's analyze that - the Bad News Brewers are playing for their 13th loss in a row tonight at that wonderful park I am paying for - I believe baseball in Milwaukee ended before our expensive stadium with the leaky roof was ever built.

So what's a good solution to my frustrations? There probably isn't one. Teams like the Yankees and, gasp, even the Red Sox will never allow small market teams to be successful. It would hurt ratings.

Impeach Bud. George W. Bush for Commissioner of Baseball.

Rated: R (actually I rented the 'unrated' version)
Starring: Elisha Cuthbert

I decided to sit down with my wife and rent the wholesome new DVD release “The Girl Next Door.” Now, let me first explain that even though Elisha Cuthbert plays an ex adult film star in this movie, I was skeptical to rent it due to its awfully fast transformation from big screen to DVD. Nevertheless, I could not pass up an opportunity to see 3 high school seniors drool over the pornstar who moves next door.

“The Girl Next Door” is actually a quite funny movie about a kid who is kind of a nerd, not the biggest nerd out of the bunch, but a nerd none the less. One day a hot new girl moves next door. She catches him peeking at her through her bedroom window and the fun starts. Her past and his future collide and fun and whackiness ensue.

This is not a movie I would watch with kids around, even if they are more mature than some. There are very strong sexual references and, while you are your own kids' parent, its not something that a 13 or even a 15 year old should be watching.

Rent, Buy, or Forget: Rent.

Here's my little homegirl looking like a baby gangsta:

The bitter battle between right and wrong is getting stronger in Chicago. Mayor “Vote Early and Often” Daley and The “What Safety Issues?” Tribune Company have been embarking on a terrific sissy fight over the stability issues at Wrigley Field. Luckily for us both sides have left us with tremendously quotable one-liners:

Commissioner Stan Kaderbek on a new claim of falling concrete chunks:
“It's really bogus”

Andy MacPhail on Wrigley Field Inspections:
“The city has conducted enough inspections of Wrigley Field by now that they should be satisfied we are not printing a newspaper here.”

Mayor Daley to Cubs President Andy MacPhail:
“If a piece of concrete fell on your head . . . and your child, what would you do? You'd be yelling at the city every day”

Chester Lobodzinski on not turning in the chunk of Wrigley he claims landed on his head:
“They're not taking it,” “All they've got to do is come to the house and they can examine it. But they're not getting it. I mean, 25 years from now, who else can say they have their own piece of Wrigley Field? Say I'm wrong, that's fine, but I've got the evidence right here, don't I?” -- well, do you?

Commisssioner Stan Kaderbek on the new claim by Chester Lobodzinski:
“It's kind of what I suspected might happen. Somebody might come up with pieces of concrete” and bring them into the ballpark to make a bogus claim.

Mayor Daley in regards to Cubs President Andy MacPhail:
“They [the Cubs] should get a team.”

Mayor Daley one-upping his last comment to Andy MacPhail:
“Poor guy. He should really put a clamp on his mouth.”

Cubs Manager Dusty Baker on the fued:
“Hey, man, you all handle it. That's not a topic on my list. My name is Les, and I don't like mess. Or my name is Bennett, and I ain't in it. I got a whole bunch of those.”

What???

I am addicted to Madden '05. I have had the game for less than two weeks, but have already completed 1.5 seasons, including the draft, the preseason training camps and contract negotiations. There is so much to do in Madden '05 that it makes you feel like you are actually in the game, running your own team. The developers really got it right this year when they put in the palm pilot/e-mail feature to show you messages from your GM, coaches and players. It also gives you a great newspaper feature which tells you news from around the league.

There are some minor complaints that they need to take care of. First, the whole Tony Bruno radio thing has to go. Tony Bruno is a sports talk radio jock for the Fox Sports Net Radio conglomeration. His radio show sucks, pardon my lack of objectivity, therefore having him on an instant classic video game such as Madden '05 is brutal.

The other complaint I have about this year's version of Madden is the same as I've had every year. They don't have enough different lines for Madden and Michaels on the game. You'll hear the same lines over and over, and it gets rather monotonous. They really need to increase the amount of talking and bantering by about 4 times what it is now. Most people who shell out the $49.95 for the game are going to play it for a long time, increasing the banter would decrease the burn out factor.

My wife purchased this game for me and now she regrets it. EA Sports has really outdone themselves in '05, and I love it. It's too bad that daddy spends his free time in the den playing “That damn game, again” but honey… Brett Favre and the Packers have a date with Madden destiny.

Buy this game.

Mr. O'Reilly of O'Reilly On Sports has warned me of a brand new phenomenon that, when coupled with the UGG boot debacle, will be detrimental to life as we know it. This new danger is called “mens' capri pants.” This is not a joke. Garrett said, “I looked out the window at work one day to see a guy… wearing capri pants!” I gasped, he went on, “The next day I looked out the window and there were two guys wearing capri pants.” What in the world are metrosexuals going to wear next? Sun Dresses? And, when will the thin line between metrosexualism and transexualism cross and become one? Will the downtown office complex soon be filled with “'Mornin' Frank, that's a nice baby-T - are you wearing an underwire with your man-bra today?” If my grandpa were still alive, he'd kick my ass for even thinking of dressing like a sissy. Long live Carhartt, flannel, and sweat-stained t-shirts.

Why would a Brewers fan find himself captivated with hatred for a team that is 1) not in the Brewers conference/division, 2) doesn't ever play the Brewers, 3) would have no bearing on the Brew Crew unless Bud's daughter somehow found a way to get them into the World Series? I asked myself this question and came up with a few reasons:

1. Money - Quite simply, we don't have any. Sure, we get some from the Yankees thanks to Bud's 'super' revenue-sharing plan, but that doesn't go towards funding a better team - that goes to make sure the Selig-Prieb's rims are shiny. I was never in favor of revenue sharing. An NFL-style salary cap, now that is more like it. Thanks to the Yankees, this will never happen. 'Big Stein' will never allow MLB to cap his precious team's potential, thus keeping the Brewers a minor-league stepping stone, for stars like Gary Sheffield, forever.

2. Prestige - Since the Brewers are not a winning team, even if an owner came in with loads of money, they wouldn't be able to bring in marquee stars. Why would a Giambi or an A-Rod ever want to live in Milwaukee? Our great new stadium? That's about all we offer - no nightlife, no other big named celebrities, no high-end growth and genetics labs.

3. History - Sure, the Crew had Hank Aaron, Robin Yount, Paul Molitor, and 1982, but that's all they've ever had. New York and those damned pinstripes have been everywhere, done everything, won everything… sure, one could call this petty jealousy - but isn't that where most hatred comes from.

Until MLB becomes a sport where you cannot buy your championships, I will continue to hate the 'Evil Empire.' Until the sport allows small-income teams to play ball with the rest of the league, I will hate Bud Selig (our once cherished hero) as well.

When does tradition trump fan safety? Apparently it does at right now at Wrigley Field in Chicago. Due too the hard-headed Illinitian drive to keep Wrigley Field as time-honored as an Amish farmstead, they would rather allow chunks of concrete to crush the skulls of ill-fated fans than fix-up the barely inhabitable ballpark.

Today (Monday) the Chicago Buildings Commission said there is “no evidence of shoddy repairs,” and allowed play to go on at the stadium. There was no word, however, on any “evidence of correctly made repairs” which leads me to believe that the thick-brained Chicago Buildings Commission is more worried about the Cubs playing in their darling stadium than the safety of those who attend the games.

Of course, they did put up 'netting' to catch any falling concrete that may harm the fans, but c'mon - netting??? What are you going to do when enough chunks fall that Wrigley is no longer structurally sound? I'm not even saying that it is 'sound' now, but what happens when it collapses and kills a dozen or so families?

Let's get it together, Chicago, it's time for some repairs - after all, you have lights now, Wrigley has already been queered. We fixed up Lambeau Field in Green Bay, and it has never looked better!

In an attempt to further quell the outcry of Boston fans and their “Yankees Suck” paraphernalia, Larry Lucchino announced today that no one shall wear “Red Sox logo'd apparel” inside Fenway Park. Larry was quoted as saying “the Sox logo is quite offensive to some,” “it promotes the Yankees more than it does the Red Sox,” and “by banning the logo we can be sure that nobody's feelings are hurt.”

In opposition to the move, disgruntled BoSox fans have been signing a petition to have the “Yankees Suck” ban lifted.

Fans are not the only ones shackled by Lucchino's decision. When the Red Sox take on Detroit this Thursday, all players will be required to perform with their jersey's turned inside-out. Also, the Fenway Park groundscrew has been ordered to strip America's Most Beloved Ballpark of all Red Sox insignia. “I feel we are doing what is best for the fans,” Larry declared, “if it works here, who knows, I might even be able to solve the problems in the Middle East.”

Lucchino's theory of fan suppression is currenlty being used by the U.S. Olypmic team as well, where American athletes have been “warned not to wave the U.S. flag during their medal celebrations.”

As the Yankee soldier said in The Outlaw Josey Wales, “Doin' right ain't got no end.”

This article was originally posted by Fuzz on YankeesSuck.com

Keith Urban gets his name in the big letters for the first time this fall. CMT has signed a contract with Keith to sponsor the “CMT On Tour: Keith Urban: Be Here '04″ concert series to coincide with the release of the Australian phenomonon's latest CD Be Here, which is to be released September 21st.

Keith's first headlining tour will kick off October 8th at Emens Auditorium in Muncie, Indiana. Twenty-One shows are planned for the first leg of the tour with more possibly to follow.

Could Big & Rich be working on a project with Faith Hill? They could. They have already penned “She's a Butterfly” for Martina McBride's latest CD - Martina. Rumor is that they are now working on something for Timmy Mac's wife - details to follow.

Garth Brooks will be coming out of retirement when his youngest daughter turns 18. That is the rumor that the World Entertainment News is spreading in the check out line of your local Wal-Mart Supercenter. According to the paper - which also had details on the first alien baby born to Michael Jackson - Garthzilla called Buck Owens on Buck's 75th birthday and told him he'd be “the biggest liar on the planet” if he didn't have thoughts of returning to the limelight. He went on to say “If I'm not 750 lbs by then, we might fire it back up.” His youngest daughter, Allie, is only 8 - so don't hold your breath.

Toby Keith is venturing outside of country music once again. Not only does he own a successful horse breeding facility, golf course, and plans for a new theme restaurant in Oklahoma City, but now TK is ready to build a new 'entertainment facility' in Las Vegas, NV. In a press conference planned for Friday, Toby will announce that he has teamed up with Harrah's of Las Vegas and the details of this new venture.

A reminder that the CMA Award nominees will be announced next Monday, August 30th at 8AM CST. Complete coverage of the nominees and their works will be featured upon their announcment.

If you want to guarantee that a song you request does not get played on the air, read up:

1. Call me 5 times in 2 minutes as if you believe I suffer from Alzheimer's
2. Have your friends call and request the same song you requested as if it is the most popular song on the radio, even though it never even made it into the top 20. Bonus points will be awarded if I can hear you remind your friend what song to request in the background.
3. Call and ask for the same unpopular song everyday at the same time
4. Call me and ask when your song will be played
5. Call and ask why I haven't played your song yet
6. Call the office line and request a song
7. Leave me a voicemail with explicit instructions as to what song, for whom, and what exact time I should play your song'
8. Call and hang up 5 times in between your request and the time your song comes on
9. Ask me when I will play your song directly after requesting the song (example: Caller: could you play Big & Rich Me: Most certainly Caller: When will you play that?) You see, I could give the caller the long explanation which is: I will play your song when it fits in to the formula of not playing one artist too much or not playing too many old or new songs in any combination, but giving that answer requires answering further questions that tie up the request lines for other song-requesting listeners.
10. Call and ask me to replay a song you just heard. I think people that request to hear a song again should either A) buy the CD, or B) call and ask everyone in the listening audience if it's okay first - after all, we pride ourselves on not playing the same 10 songs over and over.

Now you know how not to get your song played. Class dismissed.

I admit, I laughed out loud when I read this week's “O'Reilly on Sports.” Tonight I am going to go home and see if I can set the Olympic Record in “Front Yard Gymnastics.”

Another Quality OOS by Garrett O'Reilly

Here is a follow up to my Rant from August 19th about the lady who would not quit calling and asking if her godson could sit on her lap in the front row of the Blake Shelton concert. She either did not show up, or her godson didn't come with her. If I could use a highlighter on your computer monitor I would mark all of the bad things I said about that woman in bright flourescent yellow and underline it in red.

This week's Brianna Picture: Movie Star @ 3 weeks old

Hey, did you know that Ping-Pong is an Olympic sport? So is speed walking. SPEED WALKING? What the crap is that? I thought the rules for this “sport” were that a competitor had to have both feet on the ground at once. Apparently that makes any type of walking, speed or otherwise, very difficult. I had no idea that something I did every day was an Olympic Event. What is next?

The “Six hour avoidance of the misses”. Competitors must finish a twelve pack of beer between noon and six pm on a sunday and completely watch two football games at a bar or buddies house without being caught by the wife. Can you imagine the Olympic comentator's for this event. Colin Ferrel and Ted Kennedy. “Colin, that was a great move by the american Mike Smith” says Kennedy. “He answered the phone, but turned on the bandsaw first to mask his background noise.” Ferrel would respond with, “His use of tools is excellent but he needs to work on his finishing time with the beer.” Bonus points could be awarded for taking the football party to a local gentleman's club. That is what I call a perfect 10. No Mary Lou Retton here.

“Front Yard Gymnastics” Athletes must mow the lawn while avoiding yard clutter. This could be judged on time and style. Yard clutter could include lawn gnomes, plastic swimming pools, jungle gyms, bird feeders, anything with Nascar on it and the wooden rear end of the fake lady in the garden. If this competition were ever held in the south there would have to be a trailer and a pickup truck with no wheels to avoid. If it were in South Central you would have to work around chalk outlines. “That is a huge deduction for interfering with a criminal investigation.”

You know what would be fun, drunk gymnastics. Yes, this is mean and dangerous. But who wouldn't try it at 2 am on a friday night. The uneven bars especially would be hilarious. “Hey, I thought they said these bars were uneven. They look pretty even to me. These bars don't serve Captain Morgan? I am going to need another drink.” I routinely do the floor exercise when I get home from the bar anyway. Usually I trip over the coffee table and land on the floor.

Well the Olympics are one thing, but the Milwaukee Brewers really pissed me off this week.
I spent last Saturday night at Miller Park with my friends. We were going to see the Crew take on the defending World Champion Florida Marlins. It also happened to be Jim Gantner Bobblehead night. So there were over 40,000 people in attendance for this game. Dontrelle Willis, who was last year's rookie of the year over Scott Podsednik, started for the Marlins. We get to our seats and then they announce the starting lineup. There were a few things missing from the lineup: Geoff Jenkins, Lyle Overbay and Russell Branyon. I was extremely upset. The Brewers are in the middle of a horrible slump. They have a full stadium. And decide to start the B-Team on a beautiful Saturday night in front of 40,000 Jim Gantner bobbleheads. I understand that all those hitters were lefthanded and the Marlins pitcher was also a lefty. But it still felt like the Brewer's were giving the fans a big middle finger.

To make things worse, Ned Yost had to pinch hit for rookie pitcher Jorge De La Rosa in the fifth inning. Who did Yost have hit? Overbay? NO! Jenkins? NO! Branyon? NO! He had Wes Obermueller pinch hit. Wes Obermueller, who was just recalled from the minors because he wasn't quite bad enough to get released yet. Obermueller, for those of you who dont know, is a pitcher also. Yes, he was batting .360 at the time. But for my money I would rather have Bob Uecker hit than another pitcher. Obermueller is no Brooks Kieschnick, he isnt even Garth Brooks. The reasoning I heard from Ned Yost was that he was the only righthanded hitter on the bench and there were 2 outs and nobody on base. I would have felt better if he had said Overbay, Jenkins and Branyon were all in the can. After eight horrible innings I had to leave. The only highlight was Trent Durrington, that guy hustles on everything. So I convinced my friends to leave in the eigth inning and grab a beer in the parking lot. When we left it was 4-1, Marlins winning. We left just in time because the Marlins added seven runs in the ninth inning to blow out the Brewers 11-1.

Now with 44 games left, the Brewers need to go 26-18 to finish at .500. Well, I for one pledge to not spend another dollar on Brewer tickets until they return to .500 baseball. I will see you guys at opening day 2005.