Flip Flop Asteroids.

http://www.kerrycore.com/ad_flipflight_game.htm

There is something about the Russ Feingold ads that make me want to purchase another Mac computer…

Russ Feingold - Democrat:

David Carey - Magazine Publisher:

Now, I just wish Russ would end his ads with “I'm a Democrat, my name is Russ Feingold.”

I'd take Babs:

Over either of these two:

ANY DAY.

Slap the Candidate that you dislike the most.

http://www.slapthecandidate.com/

While I am pro-hunting, pro-2nd amendment, and pro-meat-lover's-skillets, I thought it was stupid and disgusting that John Kerry went on a bird killing spree just to pick up a few votes in Ohio. So I decided to ask PETA what their stance was.

My E-Mail:
What is PETA's stance on John Kerry after his recent duck hunting expedition?

Reply:
Thank you for contacting us.

As a 501(c)(3) nonprofit, educational organization, PETA is prohibited from participating in any political campaigns or endorsing a particular candidate or party. We are prohibited in participating in discussions about candidates that can be perceived as taking a position on a candidate.

PETA's statement:
“Whether it is George Bush or John Kerry, Dick Cheney or Paul Begala, we at PETA pray every time any of them lifts a gun to take an animal's life, that they'll miss. In the 21st Century, when we aren't pioneers and survivalists, we should no longer see animals as living targets but respect them for their abilities and respect their interest in staying alive. An overwhelming majority of Americans are opposed to bloodsports.”

Sincerely,

Jennifer McClure
Media Liaison
People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals
501 Front Street
Norfolk, VA 23510
Tel.: 757-622-7382
Fax: 757-628-0785

I was shocked! I thought for sure that I would receive some Pro-Kerry spin. Something along the lines of “PETA believes that the real issues in this election are in protecting the little kittens and puppies that have been slaughtered thanks to President Bush.”

In this day and age when everybody and their mother's favorite radio personality are spewing their political views, it was refreshing to hear “no comment.”

If you wish to drain the pocketbooks of MoveOnPAC.com - a political group that hates america - click on their link in the Ads by Goooooooooooooooooogle portion of this site. (lower right) Google generates these ads dynamically by searching for the words on my site. So sometimes, if I slam John Kerry for instance, the Google reader picks up “John Kerry” and serves my site with John Kerry ads. The same thing happened when I mentioned my disgust for Ugg Boots.

The cool thing is that whenever the link is clicked, the advertisers have to pay for the click. They could be paying anywhere from 50 cents to $100 every time someone clicks their link. So, I don't mind if they take up my precious web space with Pro-Kerry propaganda, as long as they're paying for it through the nose.

Just a quick note of appreciation to the dudes over at Boots and Sabers. If you're in to politics, especially if you live in Southeastern Wisconsin, Owen and Jed deliver. I found their site by accident, but now find myself glued to it whenever I click on the link.

Not my best work, but a quick little jab at “Big Stein” and the boys. Enjoy.

I'm done.

Graphics by FuzzMartin.com Pop Culture Expert, and Excellent Free-Lance Everything - Claude

Creamy Peanut Butter Pie (6-8 servings)

1 (8 oz) package cream cheese
1/2 cup sugar
1/3 cup creamy peanut butter
1/3 cup whipped topping
10 peanut butter cups
1 chocolate crumb crust (9″)

In a small bowl, beat cream cheese, sugar and peanut butter until smooth. Fold in the whipped topping. Coarsely chop half of the peanut butter cups; stir into cream cheese mixture. Spoon into crust. Quarter remaining peanut better cups; arrange over top. Refrigerate for at least 4 hours before cutting.

Thanks to Claude's article on Celine Dion and Anne Geddes, Google has been kind enough to pollute my website with Celine Dion ads. (on the right) Now, I get paid when people visit those sites, and I know people aren't going to visit THOSE SITES!

Thanks Claude. Thanks for all of the Celine pollution on FuzzMartin.com.

Apple Pie (8 servings, for Fuzz 2 servings)

6 granny smith apples
6 macintosh apples
1 cup sugar
3 T. cinnamon
2 pie crusts

peel and slice apples into thin pieces. Mix sugar and cinnamon in small bowl. Place one pie crust in 9″ pie plate. poke holes in bottom of pie crust. Add sliced apples. Add sugar mixture over apples. Place the other pie crust on top; seal edges with a fork. cut four small slits in top of pie crust. Sprinkle with cinnamon and sugar.

Place foil around edges to prevent burning. Place in oven at 350 for 1 hour. Remove foil when 15 minutes remain.

Enjoy

I deal with a lot of people on any given day. A lot of people know me, they know my show, and some even know of my website. Most of the time, that is good. In this instance, well, you can decide.

Before the September Republican primary, I wrote an article, basically endorsing Rick Karshna to represent the 58th Assembly District in Madison. My endorsement came after I had produced the commercials for both the Karshna campaign and his opponent Pat Strachota's campaign.

Here is the article (it's short):

Karshna vs. Strachota: I had planned on voting for Pat Strachota for two reasons. 1. She is from West Bend, and 2. Pat is a nice lady who I have seen from time to time at the YMCA. I don't hold any grudges against Pat, nor have I anything against her record - in fact I know nothing about her record. I do, however, have some issues with what I've seen in the way of lawn signs. I know, I know, lawn signs shouldn't make the candidate, but it's not how those signs look that is making me the judge of who I vote for - it's what their next to. Drive through the streets of West Bend and next to nearly every Kerry/Edwards sign, you'll see a Pat Strachota for Assembly sign. That tells me that democrats support Pat Strachota - therefore I say, bet the other way. Rick Karshna may be a carpet bagger from Ozaukee County, but he's the best choice in my eyes.

My vote will include: Tim Michels, Glenn Grothman, and Rick Karshna on September 14th. Make sure you get out and vote, no matter whether you agree with me or not.

For those that don't know, Pat Strachota won. Like I said in the article, I have nothing against Pat except that the democrats basically endorsed her.

On Tuesday, I had the pleasure of recording Pat for her new campaign commercial. Right away she asked “do you have a website?” I couldn't lie to her (even though she is a politician), “Yes, and by that question I assume you've read my article about the primary.” She told me that her friend had read the article and pointed it out to her. I explained my position - nearly word for word from the article - and she seemed understanding. Pat could have made this very uncomfortable - like if Celine Dion and Anne Geddes were to show up at Claude's house (see below) - but she didn't. Pat was very kind and seemed to understand that everyone has their own political views.

Speaking of which, all of the democrats who had Panzer and Strachota signs in their yard have plucked them out and replaced them with Dennis Uhlig signs. Those dirty rats and their 'bait and switch' tactics, they're completely despicable.

I have since assured Pat that she has my wife's vote and mine on November 2nd.

More Insite from FuzzMartin.com Pop Culture Expert: Claude

I'm in the 4th ring of Dante's hell.

Living proof that there is a cosmic sense of irony among all things, the “great” Celine Dion has released a cd/book combo with my >leastCeline Dion: Canadian who has sung such hits as Beauty and The Beast, My Heart Will Go On (Titanic), has won countless awards for her musical talent, and is hitched to Rene Angelil. (A plastic-like man who is 26 years her senior, also her manager when she started her career at age 12).

Anne Geddes: An Australian artist who photographs babies for her own gain, by dressing them up as food, insects and other miscellanious “cute” things. She is loved the world over by women whose hormonal clocks are ticking out of control. (In all fairness, she does good work. However, I believe most of her work is exploitative and money-driven).

This is the essence of banality. Why wouldn't this happen? Both of these multi-millionaires who haven't been in the spotlight for quite some time should find each other and shove out some work that is sure to sell on name recognition alone.

Discovering this venture while shopping, completely ruined my day.

I'm done.

I have thrown around the idea of writing a baby talk guide to new parents.

Here are some of the chapters I have in mind:
1. Happy Babies, and ending your sentences with “yes you are!”
2. Sad Baby? Try starting your sentence with “oooooooohhhh…”
3. Fun ways to say the word Poop
4. Fun ways to incorporate Boobie-Milk into everyday conversation
5. Great Ways to end the question “who is”

Here is an update to my “The Logo Creator” situation. As a recap, I purchased the program from Laughingbird Software - the program wasn't for a mac, even though I chose the mac download. I e-mailed, called, posted on their forum - all with no response.

Finally, today, a week later, I received an e-mail from the owner of the company. He assured me that his internet connection had been down for 10 days. He also confirmed that I pressed the Windows button. That would not explain this:

Exhibit A:

Clearly, your Honor, the form states that the selected program is for MACINTOSH. The defense rests.

To save face, he sent me 3 different program packages… 3 that did not include THE ONE I REQUESTED.

Why does bad customer service always happen to me???

Doctor to Kerry: “Sorry sir, that kind of head injury isn't covered in your health care plan….”

Halloween, a great time to dress your kids up in clothing that they will hate you for when their 15. This is a great way to embarass them right before prom or homecoming. Brianna now has her place in embarassment history as a cute little punkin. (collectively: awwwwww!!!!!)

An Article by FuzzMartin.com Pop Culture Expert, Claude

What's up all you heavy metal freaks? Just in case you forgot…Metallica Still Sucks!

I used to LOVE Metallica. Of course, being a nice middle-class white boy from the suburbs, this was kind of expected. My fall from grace with these “Monsters of Rock” happened after the Black Album. I mean, come on, their next album was titled Load. Seriously! It was a Load of $h1t.
Their next big triumph was shutting down Napster. Remember that? Oh yeah, they were their pioneers of metal and counter-culter, but they were the first ones to start crying when someone didn't pay for their music.
Further down the line they did a concert with the San Francisco Symphony, recorded it and SOLD it?!?! Talk about a mid-life crisis.
Then, in a futile attempt to regain some fan support, they went “old school”, back to the sound that gave them street-cred. And where did their shoot their video for this half-assed cess-pool of an album? San Quentin State Prison..a captive audience, no doubt.
Now, they have gone into group therapy and put out a theatrical movie about it called Some Kind of Monster. They appeared on The Jane Pauly Show (read it again, I want to vomit too!) to promote this “movie”. The Four Horsemen have become a bag of bones.
Hang it up!
I fear this one-trick-pony-show will still be on stage at age 80, like the Rolling Stones.
For all of you people who despise this pile of crap that is being shoveled into our systems as “Metallica”…enjoy this snippet from Camp Chaos.
Napster BAD! (the Metallica perspective).

Lars Ulrich, sit the F@C& down.

I'm out.

I have to say, I took my lovely wife to see “Ladder 49″ this evening. Wow, what a great movie. It is not like “Backdraft” at all. This is a wonderful movie about life and family. Go see this movie.

…there, I said something nice about something after completely ripping something else in my last story.

So, my dad told me about this cool program that he uses for creating logos for his umpteen businesses that he owns. The product he recommended is called “The Logo Creator.” I went to their website and downloaded the trial version, and it worked very well. So, I purchased one of their logo sets and the key to the actual working version (as opposed to the demo version) of their program. Well, I would like to tell you how great the program is, but the file they sent me was wrong. I tried numerous times to get a hold of them, but no one will call or e-mail me back. I am fed up with these jerks. Do NOT ever buy “The Logo Creator” from Laughingbird Software. Spend the extra $630 on Photoshop CS. At least you will actually get a program for that price.