Julia Gulia
June 28th, 2007 by FuzzThe Wedding Singer quote that Claude posted this morning reminded me of when I was 17 or so. For those that don’t know, I was born with the last name, “Ballering,” but I had it legally changed when I was 23. It’s a simple, easy, yet personal story, so I won’t get into that. I will, however get into the story of a relatively short-lived relationship that I had with a farmer girl who lived a few towns over from me.
She was a nice girl. She had a good personality. She drove a pretty cool car for only being 17 or 18 years old. Her family seemed to like me. She was friends with my friends. There were only two real problems. 1) She smelled like cow manure, even when she was at her cleanest, and 2) her name rhymed with my last name. For the sake of not using her real name (since I said she smelled like cow poo) I’ll refer to her as, “Malorie.”
Now, I’m a nice guy, but there is no way that I could EVER date a woman who smelled like shit when she was at her cleanest. I’m sorry, she could be a princess and I would have to say, “sorry, your highness, but you gots ta go.” So… I simply told her that I couldn’t see her anymore because if we got married her name would be “Malorie Ballering,” and that’s not a nice thing to do to anybody. I mean, she would have gotten picked on every day of her life. Couple that with smelling like a cow’s ass… and you’ve made a bully’s wildest dreams come true. Imagine what our kids would have gone through. EEK!
For the record, The Wedding Singer came out two years after my “Malorie” episode.
And that’s my Julia Gulia story for the day. Thank you… please be sure to tip your waitress.
June 28th, 2007 at 5:21 pm
If I had married a guy I dated in college, my name would be Wendy Babendi.
June 28th, 2007 at 5:41 pm
DOH! That would almost have been worse! Wendy Babendi lives in West Bendy. Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha!