So, I am sitting here doing laundry and really not wanting to tackle bills/dishes/vacuuming, so I figured I’d instead waste my precious time on Rachel Lucas’s meme. Here goes:

WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? WHAT INSULTING NICKNAMES WERE YOU CALLED IN CHILDHOOD? Uhm… Fuzzy, obviously, and my mom called me “tiger” in front of people once. Of course, my football coach called me “sack of potatoes” (::cough:: asshole ::cough::)

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? WHEN YOU CRY, DO YOU LOOK UGLY, OR DOES IT GIVE YOU A BEAUTIFUL SAD GLOW? Ugs! Definitely ugs. I don’t know when the last time I cried was, though. Maybe I look glorious now. Hmmm.

DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? ARE YOU FORGETTING HOW TO WRITE BECAUSE YOU SPEND SO MUCH TIME ON THE COMPUTER? Yeah. I’m lefty, so I SUCKED at writing to begin with. Now I have a sometimes cursive/sometimes all-caps/sometimes just sloppy normal style. Actually, it’s no style at all.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? DO YOU THINK VEGETARIANS ARE INSANE? (BECAUSE THEY ARE.) Phuck you Rachel. j/k. I’m a Pescatarian. So, uhm… I’m not a veggie.

DO YOU HAVE KIDS? DO YOU LIKE KIDS? IF SO, WHY? WHY, IN THE NAME OF GOD? Yes. Dammit! I’m a veggie-eating kid lover who hates dogs. Tell me again why I read Rachel’s site?

IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? IF YOU WERE A DOG, WOULD YOU LICK YOURSELF JUST BECAUSE YOU COULD? DON’T TRY TO DENY IT. I’d never leave home. I’d have no reason to.

DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? ARE YOU AS FRIGHTENED OF CLOWNS AS YOU SHOULD BE IF YOU KNOW WHAT’S GOOD FOR YOU? I HATE clowns!

DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? IF YOU COULD BE EITHER VERY BEAUTIFUL OR VERY SMART, WHICH WOULD YOU CHOOSE AND WHY? I’d definitely go for smarts. I mean, with smarts you can convince people that you are worthy of talking to. A dumb, good-looking person can convince you they’re an idiot in less than one full sentence.

WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? HOW MUCH MONEY WOULD YOU REQUIRE TO HAVE INTIMATE RELATIONS WITH MICHAEL MOORE OR ROSIE O’DONNELL (DEPENDING ON YOUR SEXUAL PREFERENCE BUT DOES THAT REALLY MATTER WITH THESE TWO)? Ooooh… Uhm… do I get to wear a blindfold? Do I still get the money if I vomit during/afterward?

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CUSS WORD? I prefer “phuck” with a P-H.

DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? IF YOU’RE A MAN, HAVE YOU EVER CAUGHT YOUR JUNK IN YOUR ZIPPER? HOW BAD DID IT HURT? IF YOU’RE A WOMAN, HOW GLAD ARE YOU THAT YOU’RE NOT A MAN? Yes, and it certainly does hurt like hell. That was a loooong time ago, though. I don’t want to dig the degree of which it hurt out of my subconscious.

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? DO YOU THINK YOU ARE GOING TO GROW OLD OR DIE TRAGICALLY YOUNG? I wanna live fast, love hard, die young, and leave a beautiful memory….

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? DESCRIBE YOUR MOST RECENT NIGHTMARE. Hmmm… I don’t remember my last nightmare.

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? DO YOU WISH THAT, INSTEAD OF PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION DEBATES, THEY INSTEAD HAD TO BOX EACH OTHER, BECAUSE THEN THERE’D NEVER EVER BE ANOTHER DEMOCRAT IN THE WHITE HOUSE? That would be out-friggin’-standing! I think that would finally give Libertarians a fair chance.

RED OR PINK? ABBA: THE BLONDE OR THE BRUNETTE? I’m normally a brunette guy, but I’ll go with the blonde.

WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? WHAT DISEASE DO YOU MOST FEAR CONTRACTING? (insert any std here)

WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? WHO DO YOU MISS THE LEAST? Oh, c’mon now. Uhm, there was this kid that I was “friends” with in middle school who cut my parents couch apart with a knife. We called him, “Slash.” I don’t miss Slash at all.

WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? ON A SCALE OF 1-10, HOW MUCH DO YOU HATE SHOPPING FOR NEW CLOTHES (10 BEING SO MUCH YOU’D RATHER CLEAN THE CAT BOX WITH YOUR BARE HANDS). Oh, like an 8.

WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE BEFORE THE LAST TIME YOU THREW UP? An omelet. It didn’t look as delicious on its way back up.

WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? NAME FIVE “CLASSIC” POPULAR SONGS YOU HOPE YOU NEVER HEAR AGAIN AS LONG AS YOU LIVE. 1.) Can’t Touch This 2.) Ice Ice Baby 3.) Baby Got Back 4.) If I hear that Journey song that they played on the Soprano’s finale again, I will cut myself. 5.) Anything by the Beatles, Elvis, or the Beach Boys.

IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? IF YOU WERE A DOG, WHICH BREED WOULD YOU BE? I’d be a mutt. I’d hate myself either way.

FAVORITE SMELLS? FAVORITE BODILY FUNCTION? (COUGH, SNEEZE, BELCH, POOP, FART, YAWN, ETC)
Orgas… Uhm, Sneeze.

WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU HAD A HUGE FIGHT WITH, WHAT WAS THE FIGHT ABOUT, AND WHO WON? Now, would I honestly post that on my website? No. And nobody won.

FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? AS WE ALL KNOW, PRO FOOTBALL IS THE ONLY SPORT WORTH CARING ABOUT. IN LIGHT OF THAT FACT, WHO IS THE BEST NFL QUARTERBACK OF THE LAST 10 YEARS? BEST RUNNING BACK? BEST WIDE RECEIVER? BEST DEFENSIVE PLAYER? BIGGEST PRIMA DONNA? WHINIEST BITCH? Best QB: Brett Favre. Best Running Back: Barry Sanders. Best WR: Terrel Owens (even though he’s an asshat). Biggest Defensive Player: Did Reggie White play within the last 10 years? Biggest Prima Donna: Randy Moss (another asshat). Whiniest Bitch: Warren Sapp.

HAIR COLOR? BALD MEN ARE VERY SEXY. DISCUSS. I’d better start losing my full head of hair, then.

EYE COLOR? THE INVENTION OF THE PILL IS A GOOD ENOUGH REASON TO BELIEVE IN GOD. DISCUSS. He definitely is omnipotent.

DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? DO YOU HAVE PERFECT VISION? IF SO, RACHEL LUCAS ENVIES YOU WITH THE FIRE OF A THOUSAND GALAXIES. Yes. In fact, I have better than 20/20 vision. Unfortunately, I’m colorblind. So, that negates my coolness.

FAVORITE FOOD? FOOD YOU FIND SO REPUGNANT THAT YOU SIMPLY CANNOT BELIEVE OTHER PEOPLE PUT IT IN THEIR MOUTHS? Caviar. WhyTF would you eat slimy mucus out of a fish’s hoo-hoo?

SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? WHEN YOU GO TO THE MOVIES AND THE JERK BEHIND YOU KICKS YOUR SEAT CONSTANTLY, DO YOU IGNORE/MOVE OR DO YOU CHALLENGE THEM TO FISTICUFFS? I turn around and give them “the look.” That usually stops them.

LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED THAT MADE YOU GET ON YOUR KNEES AFTERWARDS AND BEG GOD TO GIVE YOU THE LAST TWO HOURS OF YOUR LIFE BACK? I normally don’t let myself get that far into the movie before I cut my losses. I was going to take myself to see Transformers tonight, but I’m afraid it is going to be one of “those” movies.

WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? DO YOU EVER PUT CLOTHES ON YOUR PETS? That should be considered animal cruetly.

SUMMER OR WINTER? BEER, WINE, OR LIQUOR? Dark beer. But there’s a time and place for wine. Liquor… nah.

HUGS OR KISSES? FALL ASLEEP OR CUDDLE? Okay, Rachel, that was the gayest question out of your little meme here.

FAVORITE DESSERT? FAVORITE FOOD THAT YOU KNOW WILL KILL YOU EVENTUALLY BUT YOU DON’T CARE BECAUSE IT IS JUST SO FREAKING DELICIOUS? Pizza.

WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? HAVE YOU EVER BEEN SO DISGUSTED BY A BOOK’S ENDING THAT YOU VIOLENTLY DESTROYED THE BOOK? Ha! No!

WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? DO YOU HAVE P0RN ON YOUR COMPUTER? DON’T LIE. Define “porn.”

WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON T.V. LAST NIGHT? TRUE OR FALSE: “REALITY” T.V. IS THE BEST REASON FOR THE REST OF THE WORLD TO HATE AMERICA. True. ALL of them suck ass.

FAVORITE SOUND? FAVORITE DRUNKEN SLATTERN: PARIS, LINDSEY, OR BRITNEY? Britney. I feel bad for the little tramp. She used to be so cute.

ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? MOST DESERVING OF CHUCK-NORRIS-STYLE ROUNDHOUSE KICK TO THE THROAT: AL GORE OR JESSE JACKSON? Jesse Jackson.

WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? WHAT HAPPENED THE FIRST TIME YOU GOT DRUNK? ‘FESS UP. I’ll leave some details out for the sake of, well, my career: I was hanging out of the window of a dorm. I was wearing only a pair of boxers, and screaming at a girl to “come back and talk to me in the morning.” I affectionately called her, “Ruffles,” because she was wearing a crop top with ruffles around the bottom. She was smokin’. Of course, I was drunk. UPDATE: upon rereading that, I should clarify that she wasn’t actually in my room prior to me shouting that. She just happened to be walking by. And I just happened to be in a pair of boxers and standing next to the window while she was strolling past.

DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? IF YOU COULD HAVE MAD SKILLZ IN DANCING OR IN SINGING, WHICH WOULD YOU CHOOSE AND WOULD IT BE FOR YOUR OWN PERSONAL SATISFACTION OR TO IMPRESS OTHER PEOPLE AND POSSIBLY GET SOME ACTION? Singing… and it would be for a little of both.

WHERE WERE YOU BORN? IF YOU COULD HAVE ONE SUPERPOWER, WHICH WOULD YOU CHOOSE AND WOULD YOU USE IT FOR GOOD OR EVIL? Of course we’d all love to fly. I’d use it for neither good nor evil. I’d use it “for my benefit.” You know, like getting around traffic, and not having to pay for parking, and crap like that.

WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK? IF YOU NEVER SEE ANOTHER Q&A MEME AGAIN, WILL IT BE TOO SOON? Yes. This sounded like a good idea when I started. Ugh!

This entry was posted on Thursday, July 5th, 2007 at 3:43 pm and is filed under General, My Life. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

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