Never look down to test the ground before taking your next step; only he who keeps his eye fixed on the far horizon will find the right road.

~Dag Hammarskjold

This is that time of the year when I am inundated with work, school projects, and more work and school projects. I will be done with school two weeks from tomorrow! After that, it’s fun, sun, and taking my GMAT for my Master’s.

Now, back to a hot word processor. Later tonight I might tell you about the awesome trip to Chicago that Tracy and I took over the weekend. But right now… I’ve got isht to do.

At 2:55 this morning, there was a loud thunderclap. Luckily it woke me up. All of the power was out. And not the blinking-lights, on-and-off type of outage - this was the full-blown, nothing-is-working type of outage.

When you’re in radio - especially doing a morning show - you often have nightmares about waking up late. Even on the weekends, sometimes, I freak out just a bit if I wake up when it’s already light outside.

Now I just hope that there’s not melted ice cream and popsicles all over my floor when I get home.

The other day, I was in a restroom at a local restaurant. In walked some guy. He went into a stall and proceeded to, uhm, sit down… AND THEN HE DIALED HIS PHONE!!! WTF? He was working some business deal (that’s not a euphemism, he really was conducting business on his phone) while he was taking a crap. Being the upstanding citizen that I am, I didn’t know if it would be rude of me to flush the toilet or wait for him to finish his negotiations. But… after waiting for what seemed like an eternity, I coughed and flushed the toilet. Then I washed my hands for an extra long time just for effect. Seriously - what business, besides the obvious, is suitable for conducting in a public bathroom stall?

Sorry if that was too much information - but I had to get that off of my chest.

On Saturday, I got certified by the Red Cross in CPR and AED (Automatic External Defibrillator) usage. I can also administer oxygen to people in need. So… if  you ever need my help, just throw up the secret Füzz Martin hand sign, and I’ll be there to save you.

Now I just need to make up a secret Füzz Martin hand sign

Sue Tupper, one of my station’s account executives, is a great bowler. About six months ago, we were on a remote broadcast when she started talking about how she was going to Vegas to bowl in the Nationals bowling tournament. I said, “My aunt was on Bowling with the Champs, once, but she and I don’t share any blood. I could hardly make it on Bowling with the Chumps.”

Eureka!!! A little light bulb popped up above my head.

I take part in a celebrity trap shoot for Women For MACC each year at the Hartford Gun Club. Women For MACC is a non-profit that supports Midwest Athletes Against Childhood Cancer.

I told Sue, “we should take my bad bowling skills, and the bad bowling skills of Josh Golberg (my afternoon guy), and put on a charity bowling event called `Bowling With The Chumps.`”

I didn’t underestimate Sue. She has put together a tight event that is going to take place tomorrow morning, starting at 11am, at Lighthouse Lanes in West Bend. I encourage you all to stop by and help raise money for childhood cancer research.

For the first time since high school football, I am participating in an organized sport - kickball (Go Mashugana!!). After years of not having the right schedule to play on a team (worked nights & then went to school nights), now I have the perfect setup: I get done with school at 4:45 on Thursday nights and since I’m already down in Milwaukee, I can play!!!

Well, due to “field conditions,” the first game is cancelled tonight. DOH.

Anyway… I can’t wait to hang out with the guys and be a part of a team again. Better luck next week.

(btw, Mashugana is Jewish for “jackass.” Yeah, I play for the Jewish Donkeys.)

…just ordered my cap and gown. Sweeeeeeet. May 18th can’t come fast enough!

In UWM’s Lubar Hall (the Business School), there are separate study rooms for those who would like to quietly study for their classes. Unfortunately, the asshats that are in here now didn’t get the memo. I could quite seriously go in the hallway right now and enjoy a lower level of noise than the drunk-ass accounting students are emitting.

Man, I’m getting old.

Yesterday, Tracy, Sadie, Luke (Sadie’s boyfriend), and I all went on the Sprecher Brewery tour, followed by a tour of the Cedar Creek Winery in Cedarburg. We had a lot of fun… and a lot of beer/wine.

Check out the gallery:

I have no idea what the hell the deal is, lately, but between home improvement stores and restaurants, I’ve been getting some crappy customer service. I’d write about all of them… but I don’t want to bore you, and it depresses me.

Over the last week or so, I’ve been tackling my kitchen upgrade project. I feel like I could be on “Flip This House.” So far, it’s been going quite swimmingly. I’ll post some pictures later this weekend.

Last week - Replaced cabinet hardware.

Monday - Installed countertop, range hood, new sink, new faucet, and removed tile backsplash.
Tuesday - (had school) Removed old adhesive from backsplash and prepped surface.
Wednesday - Installed travertine tile backsplash.
Thursday - Grouted backsplash.

My plans for the weekend -
Today - Remove trim, pocket doors, and (ick) the carpet from the kitchen. Install cement backerboard. Then I have an appearance at the Mineshaft from 10p - ?.
Tomorrow - After appearance at Keith’s Marina in the WB between 11a and 1p - Install tile.
Sunday - Rest.

Next week -
Grout. Seal and caulk backsplash. Install GFCI outlet, new regular outlets and switches, and my fancy new brushed-nickel outlet covers. Seal floor grout. Paint. Install new window treatments.

Special thanks to Phil and Tracy for their help! And thanks to Claude and OOS for their sage advice. I didn’t imagine that this project would be this easy and relatively inexpensive. It’s pretty fun watching my house transform from a 1960’s carpeted-kitchen nightmare into something that I’m actually proud to live in.

I’ve been busy… too busy to write up the details on our engagement.

You wanna hear it… here it goes…

[UPDATED] - added photos and the story after the jump…
(more…)

I need to say “Thank you!” to my neighbor, Phil, whom I railroaded into coming over to my house last night to help me install a new kitchen sink, counter top, and range hood.  Everything looks great and I finally don’t have that ugly-ass counter top and white sink that had been in my house since, oh, 1964. I’m going to install the tile on Saturday (thus removing the carpet from my kitchen) and also a tiled backsplash. Then I’ll be done (and can move over to the bathroom!).

Phil will be rewarded with beer. Or whatever kind of reward Lisa’s cool with.

Thanks again, Phil!

She loves the taste of her Uncle Fuzz’s hand.

Here’s my latest series of photos…

…she said “yes,” btw.

Green energy is surely going to lower the value of my home. Recently I started seeing wind turbines sprouting up around the horizon by my home. Now there are dozens of them scattered about the area. I’m not worried about the geese near the Horicon Marsh getting decapitated, I am worried about the price of my home going down.

Damn you, Al Gore!

Photo credit: Forward Energy, LLC.

Tonight I treated myself to an hour at the local shooting range. Here’s what I found:

1. One of my Glock 27 magazines is all sorts of jacked up. Ever since I bought it, one clip jams on the fifth round. As soon as I’m done writing this, I’ll send an e-mail to Glock’s customer support.
2. I love my Beretta. The PX4 Storm is a great gun.
3. The price of lead is astronomical. It costs twice as much to shoot as it did a year ago. Big Bullets must be raking in huge profits and taking Big Oil out to dinner.
4. I’m a pretty damn good shot.
5. Some old man was teaching his daughter or daughter in law how to shoot his .357. She kept taking her mufflers off because they apparently hurt her head. I would think the loud banging noises would hurt worse, but whatever floats her boat, I guess.

My neighbors, Phil and Lisa, are from Illinois. They closed on their home here in Maytown on the same day that I did. So, we are both subject to the wrath of the outcast here in our cliquey little town. It’s all good - we’ve got each other.

One night, while searching for some takeout food, Phil and I stopped into this little restaurant that is about a block and a half from my house. Even though I’ve been here for two-and-a-half years, I had never been there before. When we walked in the door, everybody in the place turned and looked at us like we had just walked, uninvited, into somebody’s home. Upon learning that they only serve fish on Fridays, we left.

Last Friday night, Phil, Lisa, and I decided that it would be nice to go out and try their fish. When we got there the place was packed. They told us it would be an hour. We said we’d wait.

I’m glad we did wait, because we had the oddest service experience I think I’ve ever seen:

1. A half hour to forty minutes after we started waiting, a woman came around and said, “Michael Martin - party of four.” I stood up. She quipped, “no, no, no, it’s not your turn yet, I’m just giving you your menus.” Uhm… okay.
2. About ten minutes later, a waitress came by and asked us what we wanted to eat. We gave her our order.
3. Some time later, the waitress came by and said, “your food is ready and waiting for you at table ten.” Yeah, that’s right, we had to go, unescorted, and find table number ten because our food was already waiting there on it.
4. After we finished eating, the waitress cleared off all of our plates and brought us the tab. I gave Phil cash and he was going to pay with his debit card.
5. Phil went up to the front to pay. The woman said, “how much would you like to leave as a tip.” Phil replied, “five dollars.” “How much?,” she questioned. RUDE! Phil should have replied, “you know what - NOTHING.”

The food was okay, but it was nothing to write home about. I won’t be stopping there again - unless I’m in need of some comic relief.

Well, I got my tax returns, and I am about to jump into something that I’m unsure about… it rhymes with bitchen recoddle. I have never tiled a floor, nor refinished cabinets, nor replaced a sink and counter top - but gosh darnit… I’m going to do it.  And after that - it’s the bathroom.

…and hopefully relatively soon after I’m done, I’ll move  away from my 66×66 cell in the Mayville penitentiary.